Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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