I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
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I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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