This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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