im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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