I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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