Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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