i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
