either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
