I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
