i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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