they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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