They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
