sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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