I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
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Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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