Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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