I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
