I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Randomize