she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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