We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
