If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
