I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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