Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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