I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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