He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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