can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
