I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
