I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
