why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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