Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
