he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I believe in your delicious
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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