Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
