No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I have surprise drugs for everyone
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
