I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
