May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize