she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
