At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize