he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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