Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
