Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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