You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
