Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
