You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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