ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
