ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
