i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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