I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
