Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
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Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
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Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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