She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
