i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
