Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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