Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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