you win again, gameday.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
