He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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