just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
