No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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