Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
