don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Two words: nipple clamps
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