Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
