No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
