I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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