i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
