God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize