Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
