what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
