Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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