dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
