We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
