I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
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Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
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She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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