You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
