Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Life without a bra equals bliss.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
