so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Tornado booty call.. dedication
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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