There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
