drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
