I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
