I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
